Over the past 15 or so years, as I’ve pondered a lot of different things with the Lord, one question that kept coming up in my heart over and over again, was the question, “what does it mean to be a woman of God?”
As I studied scripture, I felt different tensions in my soul about what a godly woman is supposed to look like. In Ephesians 4:2 and 2 Corinthians 10:1 we see instruction for both men and women to be like Christ in His humility, gentleness, and meekness. We are also all instructed to exhibit the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We are called to walk in what 1 Corinthians 13 calls “love” which is patient, kind, and not easily angered, among many other attributes.
Then we see examples of great courage and boldness by Jesus’ disciples, many key woman in the Bible, and most importantly Jesus. The Apostle Paul was very stern at times, when he addressed sin in the Church of Corinth in 1 Corinthians. In Matthew 21:12 Jesus showed great boldness and righteous anger, when he flipped the tables in the temple because the temple workers had turned His father’s house into a market place. Jesus also sharply rebuked the Pharisees in Matthew 12:34 when calling them a brood of vipers.
We see women like Deborah who was the fourth Judge of Israel make tough and courageous leadership decisions during a time of war which we can safely assume required tremendous boldness on her part. Think about the bravery and fierceness Esther had to exhibit in the face of great opposition and danger going before King Xerxes to plead on the behalf of her people. What about Ruth’s journey of faith and perseverance to travel to an unknown land and people with her mother-in-law after losing her husband? And don’t forget Mary, the mother of Jesus, trembling in fear while receiving the message from the angel of the Lord to carry and give birth to the Son of God. Lastly, though he was a man, I think David is another good example to glean from for both men and women. Though his temperament was described as mild (and he was characterized as the runt of his other 12 brothers), he was not large in stature, and there was nothing bold about his personality according to the bible’s description of him, however he showed great courage and boldness to stand up against the big bully Goliath and defeated him with a single stone and sling shot. David, while he was meak, he was not weak. There is a big difference between meekness and weakness. Don’t confuse the two. And while he had a milder temperament, he was not afraid to stand up to the bully of the land. God does not call us to be doormats, when dealing with sin. There is a time and place to be quiet and a time to speak up. A time to turn the cheek and walk away and a time to stand up and confront the giants (sin and injustice) in our lives and the lives of our loved ones.
Each one of those women had a unique assignment that required tremendous faith, courage, and boldness. To say the least, these women were fierce. These few examples of women in the bible I have shared, show that when it comes to defending truth and righteousness and taking a stand against sin in our personal life, the lives of our family, our cities, and nation, sometimes being quiet and soft is not the correct response. As women of God, we are called to have a kind and gentle spirit, but there are times when boldness and sternness is needed as well. You can have a gentle heart and a bold personality at the same time. Don’t forget that.
Think about disciplining a child. If your child runs out into a busy street with oncoming traffic, you’re not going to gently and softly make a suggestion that they might not want to do that again. No, you’re most likely going to snatch them up (not in a harmful way) and pull them back out of the street and sternly make it clear that they are NOT allowed to run out into the street ever again without looking both ways first and having parental assistance. Why would we speak to them in a stern tone? Because we want them to understand the seriousness of that decision and the danger that lies ahead if they don’t obey. Why would we show our disapproval of their choice to run into the street? Because we love them and we don’t want to see them harmed in any way. That is LOVE.. Love does not always look like a soft cuddle or smile. Love sometimes looks and sounds like a stern rebuke. And you must understand this to comprehend the fullness of God’s character. He is kind and gentle in leading his children to salvation, but he is also bold and stern when disciplining his children for their ultimate good and safety. To put ourselves in a box and claim one personality type (of mild or bold) is not only limiting ourselves, it’s limiting God. God is not “either” the Lion or the Lamb. He is BOTH the Lion and Lamb. It’s perfect divine blend of mercy and judgment. And the two do not contradict each other.
Understanding that God is both just and merciful is understanding that He hates sin, but loves the sinner. You see many attributes of the God in the Bible that at a glance seem opposing or contradictory, but they are not. The same is true for us, we can be both bold and gentle at the same time and at different times according to what each situation requires.
Let me say for clarity sake, since I am addressing the question “what does it mean to be a woman of God,” that when reading the bible, we are to learn from the examples of all people (both men and women) since all scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching and training in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16). So, although some of the examples above are of men, the principles still apply.
So how do we balance all of this? As women, we are called to put on the gentleness of Christ. We are called to be nurturers to our own families and to others. We are called to love the unlovely, to cry with the brokenhearted, laugh with the joyful, and give thanks always. We are called to be kind, humble, self-controlled, and have submissive and teachable hearts. But as godly women, we are equally called to be bold, courageous, and dare I say fierce!
Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. Sometimes it’s time to be silent, soft, gentle, and peaceful. While in other circumstances, boldness, courage, stoutheartedness, and perseverance may be required.
So what’s my point in all of this? I'm confident I‘m not the only woman who has felt these tensions in her heart. I have found myself at times, wrestling internally as to how I’m supposed to portray myself as a godly God. Am I supposed to be quiet and gentle in every situation? Or should I be more assertive and bold at all times? Over the past 15+ years I have been around hundreds of incredible women who deeply love Jesus and each one of them is so incredibly different in their personalities, giftings, and wirings. What I’ve come to understand is that we all have some attributes of Christ that may be more dominant than other attributes, but that’s what makes us all so unique and beautiful. We all reflect different aspects of Christ’s nature. I don’t need to be more like you and you don’t need to be more like me. We all need to be more like Christ. He is our standard.
What I’m realizing the older I get, is just how complex and amazing we are as women. We are called to be gentle, humble, and gracious, but we also have the resurrecting power of Christ living inside of us, enabling us to be bold and courageous while standing up for truth and righteousness in our generation. The two sides of that coin seem opposing at first glance, but when you study the scriptures, they are not opposing at all. The more we mature in Christ, the more we find a balanced blend of these different attributes of Christ’s character (the boldness and courage we need to stand for righteousness and against sin and the tenderness and humility we need to love people well and show them the way to salvation). It’s a reality of needing BOTH AND all those attributes rather than EITHER OR just some of them. We need both gentleness and boldness to be like Christ. He’s both and we should be as well.
Until next time, may the grace and peace of Christ be with you,
Amber